Love is one of the most widely discussed themes all over the world. The Indian film industry churns out more than 1500 films a year, all of which stereotypically contain at least a subplot of love (1). From romance to heartache, music is replete with love lyrics as well. It is widely believed that there is someone out there for everyone and that when you find that person, you would know straight away if they are the one for you. So it’s no surprise that we like to enter new relationships with a strong desire to stay together. But, there are instances when it is wiser to quit. In this article, we explain the types of relationships that one should avoid or get out of at all costs. Keep scrolling to learn how to get out of those bad relationships.
1. The One That’s All About The Money
There’s a specific term for people who get into relationships only for the money – gold diggers. The media tends to generalize and make it seem like it’s only the women who engage in seeking out a partner for his fortune, but it definitely can work both ways. In the beginning, it can just be about giving or getting presents. Who doesn’t like to be gifted? It shows appreciation. However, when there is nothing deeper than the money in the relationship, then it’s time to call it quits. Whether you’re the one giving or receiving the moolah, it’s time to walk out the door. It can also be about sharing finances. If you’re the one who stays at home while your partner works, there is a chance that they don’t value your contribution to the relationship. Being the breadwinner isn’t everything. Being a house-spouse and making a home is equally important, and you should be appreciated. Take a cue from Americans who cite money most commonly as the cause of the dissolution of the marriage (2).
2. The One Where Your Opinions Aren’t Valued
It can be extremely frustrating to be in an unhappy relationship where you are completely ignored – your partner makes all the decisions, from which movie you’ll be watching to what you’re going to eat for dinner. However, a loving relationship involves taking turns and valuing what the other person thinks. If this is not the case, hit the road.
3. The One Where They’re Cheating
It’s understandable – you’ve found someone that you are really happy with. You don’t want to lose that because they made a mistake just once. But, come on! A relationship is about trust and commitment. If they’re getting their grind on with someone on the side, they aren’t really fully committed to the relationship. If they cheat once, they’re likely to cheat again (3). Find someone who is more deserving of you. In a survey conducted to know more about monogamous relationships, among 2,000 U.S. adults, most people agreed that certain things are considered cheating in a relationship. For example, 93% think having sex with someone else is cheating, and 90% say sending nude photos counts too. Kissing another person is considered cheating by 81% while holding hands is seen as a problem by 64%. These results show that people have different ideas about what’s considered cheating in a monogamous relationship. That is why it’s important to define these boundaries with your partner. After all, you might have different definitions!
4. The One When They’re Always Suspicious
Again, this comes down to a matter of trust. The yearning to form a mutually protective union is inherent, according to psychoanalyst John Bowlby (4). If they’re constantly suspicious of you – they don’t trust you. If they ask you for your phone or a look at your email, they’re clearly suspicious. Sure, they might say, “Why can’t you show me if you’ve got nothing to hide?” However, this is a poor argument and one of the clear signs to walk away from a relationship. Don’t fall for it. Fall for someone else instead.
5. The One Where They Do Not Value Consent
“No” means “No”. If you don’t want something, if you aren’t comfortable with it, then that’s the end of that. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t opt-in for, even if it’s about physical intimacy. They have to respect your decisions and boundaries. And yes, marital rape is a thing. Leave if you feel you’ve been forced into something – whether it’s physical, emotional, or otherwise (5).
6. The One Where They’re Violent
Nobody has power over you. You don’t have to feel controlled. There is a life outside an abusive relationship. Victims of domestic violence tend to blame themselves, listening to the justification of the beater. However, nobody deserves violence. Studies show that one in four heterosexual women suffer from physical abuse, and they are likely to put up with it because of their upbringing (6). If you’re beaten, first call a cab, then the police.
7. The One Where You’re Made To Feel Worthless
This can be just as harmful as physical abuse. They don’t hit you, but they berate you – constantly. Soon, you see yourself through the same eyes – as a worthless piece of trash. But this isn’t the case. You are a beautiful creature of nature, and deserve someone who not only appreciates but celebrates you. Give no value to someone who makes you feel worthless. Toni, a blogger, shared her experience with her toxic ex-husband. Her life gradually became a web of control spun by her husband. She shared, “Years of being told how useless I was. How much my own family couldn’t stand me. How he was the only one who truly loved me. How if I ever left him I’d never find anyone else who’d love me like he did…. etc etc. The constant taunting and verbal abuse cut so deep that eventually I became numb to it all (i).”
8. The One That Is Kept A Secret
First of all, ask yourself, why does it have to be a secret? Do they have a spouse and a set of kids on the other side of town? Are they ashamed of you? A secret relationship can lead to nowhere good (7). If they aren’t ready to reveal your relationship to other people, then you should probably find someone better.
9. The One That You Only Have Bad Things To Say About
If you’re complaining all the time, find yourself crying over the state of your unhappy relationship, trying to put the pieces of your relationship back together, then what is really the point? Why would you suffer through all that? Nobody is forcing you to stay in bad relationships. A relationship is supposed to bring you peace, love, and happiness. If this isn’t the case, it’s quite alright to find someone else or even remain single. Not having a relationship is better than being in a toxic relationship. Knowing about more signs of a toxic relationship can help you make decisions that can help you get out of a flawed and unworthy relationship quickly.
10. The One Where Partners Are Codependent
Identifying codependent relationships can be tricky as they do not appear unhealthy right away. The partners seem to rely on each other and are always together, which may seem sweet. However, the interdependence goes beyond teamwork and doing things together for fun. There is no sense of personal boundaries as each is so reliant on the other. Neither has a sense of self as both their identities have merged. They make excuses and cover up each other’s faults and behaviors, no matter how toxic they may be. If one falls, so does the other. It is hard to break free from such relationships and psychological counseling is one of the few ideal solutions to coming out of this relationship. How do you get the strength to leave a bad relationship? While leaving a bad relationship is not easy, just know that you already have the strength and courage in you. Stop talking to your partner and lean on your loved ones, friends, and family for support. Consult a therapist to help you start your healing journey and get more people on your team. When is it time to let go of a relationship? If your partner does not bring you joy and they are always critical and disrespectful towards you, it is time to talk to your partner and say goodbye. Also, if they are crossing major red flags or dealbreakers that cannot be resolved, it is time to let it go. What to say to end a relationship? Meet your partner face to face. Be honest and gently tell them the reason why you want to end the relationship. While the breakup will not be easy for both partners, the way you communicate your feelings can lessen the sting a little. Remember, your ultimate responsibility is your authenticity and honesty. Be respectful, but don’t tiptoe around their feelings. Can walking away save a relationship? No, if you are walking away from a relationship that is toxic and makes you unhappy, walking away will not save the relationship. However, it will help you love yourself and start healing. What is stonewalling in a relationship? Stonewalling is when one partner shuts down and goes silent and avoidant during the conflict. It is seen by experts as one of the key indicators of an unhealthy conflict in a relationship and a strong indicator of divorce. The following video uncovers 12 clear signs that might indicate an unhealthy relationship. It also shares valuable insights on assessing and improving relationships. Play it to identify these red flags to foster a healthier connection.
